Have You Seen This Person?

It was so sudden. How could this have happened to us? What did we do? As it turns out, we did nothing.

Jocks and Jills, a popular Atlanta sports bar, has run into legal issues, and as a result, the chain has been forced into Chapter 11 and has closed its popular Alpharetta location. Ordinarily, the disappearance of a sports bar would not bring North Atlanta to a complete standstill, but this particular shutdown has created three major problems for us:

1. The $6.00 Men's Thursday Lunch (non-alcoholic beverage and tip included) is no longer available.

2. The Perversity Council (known colloquially as P-Council) has no place to meet on Thursday evenings.

3. As a result of the closure, our favorite waitress, a young Lithuanian lady named Vaida, has disappeared and must be located post haste.

Of these three concerns, the last is obviously the most significant and critical to us. If you have any news regarding the J&J crisis, please notify a P-Council member (or me) immediately. Further contact information may be found on the Lithuanian Embassy web site. As you can see, we are taking this very seriously.

Thanks for your support.

Lunch with Mr. Twain

He is without a doubt my favorite writer of all time. Samuel Clemens, better known as Mark Twain, was a master at describing life in the heartland. Everyone of course knows of or has at least read excerpts from his classic novels The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. I personally believe that, like no author before or since, Mark Twain excelled at translating the regional dialects, idioms and accents of his characters to the printed word. When you read his novels, you can hear the characters speaking.

But what very few may know is that Mark Twain had a cafeteria named after him....a questionable honor, you might say, but then again, this was no ordinary cafeteria. Inspired by Twain's novels of life on the Mississippi, the Mark Twain Cafeteria in Memphis churned out many a fine lunch and dinner in its heydays during the 1950's and 1960's. Although the establishment has been closed for years now, memories linger.

The spacious dining room was attractively furnished (for the time), tastefully lighted, and adorned with huge murals placed around the outside walls of the dining room. One mural depicted the whitewashing of the fence in Tom Sawyer, while another captured a serene afternoon, with either Tom or Huck (can't recall which) fishing on the banks of the mighty Mississippi. The pictures were painted by one Elmer F. Blalack. I have tried to find further information on the web about Mr. Blalack, but to no avail.

It seemed that everyone in our Highland Heights neighborhood dined at the Mark Twain: ladies in their hats after Sunday church, teenagers on dates, business people from the area stores, even little kids tasting their first roast beef au jus. There was a quiet energy about the place, and the food was classic Southern -- delicious.

Some years later, when I moved to Chicago, I was surprised to find that "cafeteria" there implied something totally different, generally involving worn, clanky stainless steel trays and food that was often below average. But I took solace in the fact that back home in Memphis, I could visit the Mark Twain on breaks and everything would somehow be right with the world -- the river would continue to flow, the bacon-steeped green beans would materialize on the plates, and Twain's words would linger in my mind, with every "y'all" and "ain't" intact. It was priceless.

Building the Perfect Beast

I subscribe to the Comcast digital cable service, which I often criticize for uneven signal reception and complex, secretive methods of customer billing. However, Comcast has hit upon something with a recent tweak to its On Demand service. A couple of years ago, On Demand added free movies to its existing pay-per-view service, and yesterday I watched "20 Million Miles to Earth", for absolutely no extra charge (at least I think...I won't know for sure until the bill comes at the end of February). A splendid film indeed! How does one begin to describe this cinematic milestone? One starts on Venus, of course.

In this fine documentary film, a rocket ship returns from Venus with a "native" aboard. It is worthwhile to note that very few people in the United States were even aware that such a mission was underway, and George W. Bush wasn't even president at the time. Anyway, this tiny beast grows exponentially into a large lizard-like creature which ultimately attempts to lay waste to what is left of the ruins of ancient Rome. The acting is outstanding, the lines memorable.

All I can say is thank you, Comcast. Thank you for letting the On Demand signal last through an entire movie, especially one of this caliber. I am grateful, to say the least. =:)

Nothing Like Being a Chicken in Dixie

Against my better judgment, and primarily because if I don't watch, people will ask me why not, I tuned in to the last two hours of the Grammys last night. For the most part, I enjoyed the show, but there was just one little problem: the awards themselves. More specifically, the recipients.

Don't get me wrong -- I've been a Dixie Chicks fan for a long time, and being a native (almost) Southerner, I do appreciate three attractive young ladies from Texas who can play and sing with the best of them. However, awarding five Grammys to one group reminds me of the early 90's, a time during which the Academy decided to make good on the short shrift it had given to Bonnie Raitt in years past by systematically bestowing its coveted awards on her for almost everything she recorded.

Let's face it -- 2006 wasn't too bad a year for music. Gnarls Barkley took us all the way back to 70's funky soul with his catchy hit Crazy. The Red Hot Chili Peppers produced what is perhaps one of the most brilliant rock albums in years with Stadium Arcadium. Christina Aguilera polished her form and pruned her sound to the roots with her Back to Basics album. And who can't relate to James Blunt's You're Beautiful, the song you sing in your head to that someone that you know you can never have?

Chicks, I like you and all, but come on, Academy. Let's not do that again in 2007. Besides, any year in which The Police are planning a reunion tour will most definitely be something out of the ordinary. Yeah, dog.

The World's Most Complicated Jazz Song

"Lush Life".

It has been recorded by over 500 artists, and it probably remains one of the most complex, beautiful jazz songs ever written. Penned in the 1930's by Billy Strayhorn, it embodies what we think of as "classic" jazz while posing a major challenge to any vocalist, partly owing to its unusual progressions and key shifts. Even Frank Sinatra hard a hard time singing this song.

Unquestionably, my favorite versions of "Lush Life" are the fairly recent renditions by Natalie Cole and Queen Latifah. When I listen to either, I feel as if I should be sipping a martini in a quiet Hollywood bar on an afternoon in 1959. It's that kind of song.

Strayhorn, the composer of "Lush Life", was one of Duke Ellington's favorite songwriters. Yet, as his biographer David Hajdu writes, Strayhorn was a "minority three times over" -- he was African-American, gay, and open. Certainly, he must have faced his own challenges, but he left us with one of the most beautiful songs ever written.

If you've never heard "Lush Life", either find a copy or listen to a sample online. You'll instantly see what I mean about its appeal.

Thank you, Mr. Strayhorn. Shaken or stirred?